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            If you have school age children, you may be one of the lucky ones who never need to ask your child about homework, but for most of us, that’s not the case. In today’s schools, both public and private, state curriculum standards dictate the material children are expected to learn at a given grade level.  A majority of parents have noticed that a great deal more is expected of our kids than when they went to school in many subject areas.
How often have we heard friends complain that their children are intelligent, but they don’t get their homework done or turned in?  Parents have been known to let their kids slide on homework because the work seems too difficult, frivolous, or inconvenient to squeeze into family or sport schedules. Many parents don’t want to spend the few hours they have with their children, after a long day at work, harping on their kids to get the homework done. 
Here’s a great trick to get the homework done, teach self-discipline, and save yourself a lot of headaches: create a routine with the help of a timer. Spend a little time to save a lot of time and a whole lot of energy throughout the school year.  Lots of kids are already used to getting work done at school before the timer goes off as many teachers use this tool to keep an efficient pace in the classroom.  Giving your child a specific goal to achieve, from baby steps to giant steps depending on the needs of your child, helps to develop a positive, effective routine for homework tasks.  
THE MAGIC OF THE EGG TIMER
Here’s how it works:

• Key to success: Wait to begin using a timer until several consecutive days are available to spend a concentrated effort to practice with it.
• Make sure the child understands homework directions before setting off independently to complete a task.
• Start with short time increments and promise a small reward if the child gets a specified amount of work done before the timer goes off - a big hug and some praise, 5 more minutes of Kidzui on the computer, etc.
• Avoid using food and other material objects as rewards since the larger goal is to develop independence, not an addiction to extrinsic rewards for a job-well-done.
• BE CONSISTENT. If the original agreement proved too difficult to complete, don’t give a reward for unfinished work; formally change the agreement for the next time. When kids don’t believe the boundaries set, the whole process can go backwards and take twice as long, or longer, for them to develop any kind of autonomy.
• BE POSITIVE. If the timer goes off before a task is finished, focus on the part of the agreement the child kept, and encourage a better result on the next try.
• Once the child finishes work alone consistently before the timer goes off, expand the amount of work and the period of time between tasks. Increase the reward slightly for each success, if needed (a few more minutes of Dance, Dance Revolution, or whatever motivates your child).
• Wait to correct errors until the homework is done. The focus is on independent work, not accuracy at this point.
• Continue to increase the time and tasks until the timer is no longer needed.
• For extra tough customers: Make sure the child understands that a slip shot job on the homework means having to spend more time working at the end. If it looks like assignments were slapped together with the idea the homework helper would go back to the former, easier way of walking the kid through the work, use a big eraser and help the child reset the timer to start all over again.

    
The above process can be trying at first, but it gets easier, and it rarely takes more than a few consistent days to get even the most resistant child accustomed to the routine. You’ll save yourself hours and hours of hard work and headaches if you establish a pattern of responsibly completed homework early. Trust me.

 “Yeah! I got the answer!” Bobby shouts in his fourth grade classroom, pumping his fists in the air.  “Hey! That’s my pencil!” His right hand yanks it away from his desk partner.  “Oops!  No, it’s not. Here!” He thrusts the pencil back at its original owner.  For the umpteenth time, his teacher firmly reminds him how to behave in class.
Usually an understanding child, Bobby’s desk partner has lost her patience.  At home she rants about Bobby’s awful behavior, finishing with how he almost poked her eye out with her pencil!  Mom is livid.  The principal receives an irate call from yet another angry parent, and the teacher is on the phone, again, talking to Bobby’s mother. . . 
Cathy lives in her own little world.  Although smart and creative, she seldom completes tasks without ample support.  On family vacations, even personal things that offer her comfort -like her favorite stuffed bear- get left at home, forgotten.   Her fancy new pencils lay on the bedroom floor instead of making it into her backpack for school.  A half-an-hour into class, her paper commonly sits on her desk in front of her, untouched.  Why doesn’t she care about her schoolwork, about learning?  Her parents, teachers, even classmates treat her as if she does these things on purpose, like she would be able to do what was expected of her if she just tried harder. She feels the heavy disappointment pressing against her from all sides, but she cannot seem to stop messing up.
Over time, the Cathys and Bobbys of the world cause unintended bad feelings.  In turn, they feel unfairly picked on by authority figures and peers.  For instance, Bobby sees nothing wrong with making a comment in class, taking a pencil that he thinks belongs to him, and giving it back once he realizes his mistake.  Why should he have to pick up papers or run laps at recess?  And why don’t the other children want to play with him on the playground?  The child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) thinks you would get mad too if kids said you were OUT all the time when you really just made a mistake and should get a DO-OVER. 
Cathy suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) without the hyperactivity component.  She has no idea why her teacher or other children in her class get frustrated with her.  Something catches her eye, a thought flits through her mind, and suddenly the bell rings.  Why should she have to stay in at recess or after school to get an assignment finished? It’s not like she does it on purpose!  With regular punishment and negative attention, these kids begin feeling like the world is against them.

WHAT IS ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER?
Do Bobby or Cathy’s behavior sound familiar? In Bobby’s case, his hyperactivity annoys, disrupts, and causes accidents, like broken toys and bruises.  Cathy’s inattention earns labels such as underachiever, lazy, unmotivated, or irresponsible.    These children seem able to hone in on a video game or an art project for an extended period, so why can’t they focus or calm down? 
The kids who face these challenges experience physical differences in how their brains work. The November 2006 issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences states that Stanford neurologists have found a clear difference in brain functioning between boys who have AD/HD and those who do not, using functional magnetic resonance imaging (FMRI). Scientists accept that symptoms of the disorders are caused by a neurological dysfunction in the brain.  Neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and epinephrine, the messengers, are insufficiently transported causing a lack of focus or physical control.  In the FMRI studies, medications, mostly stimulants, made these cerebral chemicals function more efficiently, causing the AD/HD brain to appear more like that of the normal group.
WHERE DO THE DISORDERS COME FROM?
Like hair and eye color, AD/HD often runs in families. Clare Jones, PhD., one of our nation’s leading experts in training doctors, teachers, and parents in how to deal with the disorders points out, “Seventy percent of (AD/HD) kids have a mom or dad who also has it.”  Remember those kids who were considered “high spirited” or “spacey,” the “absentminded professors” of a generation ago?
A successful relative that learns to compensate in adulthood, finds a creative career with flexible hours, for example, is thought endearingly eccentric.  More often, though, these family members have trouble keeping jobs, maintaining personal relationships, or may have problems with substance abuse.
Other causes, such as complications during pregnancy or delivery, and diseases or head injury after birth, have been linked to the disorders as well.  Eating too much sugar does not cause the disorders, but it can make symptoms worse for people who already have the condition.
TREATING AD/HD
Parents commonly resort to medication to help a child deal with the social and academic struggles, for good reason.  A study at Harvard University in 2003 reported that children with AD/HD who are untreated are two-and-a-half times more likely to abuse drugs as adolescents.  In other words, between the frustration with controlling energy and focus, and the hit they take in self-esteem from constant reprimands, they medicate themselves in order to cope.  Although many people take medication without side-effects, Ritalin, Adderall and other drugs prescribed to control AD/HD can cause sleeplessness, lack of appetite, extreme focus at school and none at home, a crazy temper, and depression. 
The best results for treatment with medication, published last May in Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, appear to be the lowest dose possible when used in conjunction with behavioral therapy for the child, and training for parents and teachers in understanding and managing behaviors.
MEDICATION ALTERNATIVES
Some people take Neu-Becalm’d, an amino acid supplement, in place of prescription drugs.  Originally the supplement was developed at the University of Texas Health Science Center as a rehabilitation tool for alcohol and drug abusers.  The product was designed to help neurotransmitters function more efficiently in the brain to decrease anxiety. Although the supplement has not been approved by the Federal Drug Administration (FDA), some people diagnosed with AD/HD claim that it helps them to focus and control their energy.  A liquid multivitamin is also recommended for the amino acid supplement’s most effective use in the body.  There are no reported side-effects, but similar to drug therapy, results vary from person to person, and the supplements must be taken regularly to see results.
The Drake Institute also offers a drug-free choice for treatment of AD/HD called neurofeedback.  Patients learn to retrain their brains to function more efficiently.  The program includes behavioral therapy as well as family therapy, and the company has documented positive, lasting results.  The location serving the San Diego area is in Vista. (For more information on alternatives, see web sites.)
HELFUL HINTS
When dealing with an AD/HD child: set clear rules, carry out predetermined consequences, give lots of positive reinforcement, show affection, appreciate and accentuate strengths, keep a regular schedule for activities, and above all, be extremely consistent. Dr. George DuPaul, PhD., professor of school psychology at Lehigh University in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania states, “All kids benefit from consistency, but AD/HD kids, in particular, need consistency.  It’s not a luxury for them.”  
Lisa Leo, conscientious mother of a child with ADHD in Chula Vista, says, “They (ADHD kids) crave consistency.  Once I’ve made a decision, I can’t waffle or change my mind.  Otherwise things can get crazy.”
Oh, and make sure they gets lots of exercise!  In a recent article in Newsweek, Mary Carmichael states, “(There is a) recent and rapidly growing movement in science showing that exercise can make people smarter . . .and there are clues that physical activity can stave off . . . ADHD and other cognitive disorders.” (For a quick checklist of effective parenting techniques, see sidebar.)
WHERE TO GO FOR SUPPORT
Contact the local San Diego chapter of Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD).  Meetings convene once a month at several locations in San Diego County where people can share ideas and encouragement. Also, www.additudemag.com is an internet magazine chock full of information on the disorders, parenting techniques, recent studies, and anything else a person might want to know.  For professional help, Learning Development Services on Clairemont Drive in San Diego specializes in working with individuals and families dealing with AD/HD.  
These wiggly, distracted kids are generally sensitive, affectionate, out of the box thinkers.  If their positive qualities get more attention than their shortcomings, and they are given tools to cope with their condition, they can live highly successful, happy lives.

 

References
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/disorders/adhd.shtml
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/disorders/addparent.shtml
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/12/061216104616.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2003/03/030306075745.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/02/000204073858.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/04/040409094643.htm
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/1998-11/SU-DIBF-231198.php
http://www.neurogenesis-inc.com/studies.php?id=5495
http://www.neu-becalmd.com/?gclid=CIigzuzBtosCFShdXgodiGNqyg
http://www.drakeinstitute.com/neurophysical-training-program.html
http://www.clarejones.com/
http://www.chadd.org
http://www.chadd.sandiego.org
http://www.additudemag.com
Newsweek, March 26, ‘07, p.38 “Stronger, Faster, Smarter: Exercise does more than build muscles and help prevent heart disease.” By Mary Carmichael

Some people think rules are for suckers, but the people that learn to follow the rules enjoy the freedom to do whatever they want. Those that don’t learn the rules are never free. They spend their whole lives learning to follow the rules.

Sometimes we break rules, and it works - we take a shortcut on a task at work or school without getting caught; we drive through a stop sign without getting a ticket. We chase that next time we can get away with something. The consequences: Low paying jobs, credit card debt, miserable relationships, the list goes on.

Freedom comes from:

   * doing your best
   * treating others as you want to be treated
   * living life with honesty and integrity
* following your dreams when the going gets tough

              Once we learn to follow the rules, everything else falls into place.

No kidding!

“Daddy!” two-year-old Brittany squeals. She dashes across the floor at the day care center to wrap her little arms around those long familiar legs.
With busy family schedules, fathers often take a more active part in child rearing, a clear advantage for daughters. “In past decades, fathers felt their primary role was to work and provide an income for the family. That’s changing as we find that girls with involved fathers are more well-adjusted overall than girls with distant or absent father figures,” says Dr. Jonathan Gale, clinical psychologist in La Jolla.
Researchers are rediscovering the incredible impact dads have on their daughters’ lives. “With the rise in divorces and single parent households in the 1980’s and ‘90’s, most studies focused on mothers and practically ignored fathers until about the last decade,” reports Dr. Chad Hybarger, Family Therapist, professor at Alliant International University, and founder of the Family Therapy Institute in El Cajon.
Recent research confirms that the relationship a girl experiences with her father influences all kinds of things as she grows into adulthood. For example, whether daddies spend time talking to their two and three-year-olds, or not, holds more weight on their toddlers’ language development than mommies according to a study by the University of North Carolina Child Development Institute at Chapel Hill (ScienceDaily – Nov. 2006).
Active father figures also reduce psychological problems in young women and increase cognitive skills like intelligence and reasoning, say Swedish researchers after a 20 year investigation including thousands of subjects from the US, the UK, Sweden and Israel (Acta Paediatrica – Feb. 2008).
Dads even appear to determine when girls physically become women; that is, a daughter who has a good relationship with her father tends to enter puberty later than a girl that does not (Vanderbilt University - ScienceDaily – Sep. 27, 1999).  “Statistically, girls who have positive relationships with their fathers have sex later and are also less likely to end up teen mothers,” Hybarger adds.
In fact, evidence suggests that Dad is mainly responsible for his daughter’s school achievement, future job and income, relationships with men, self-confidence, and overall mental health (EurekAlert – Feb. 2008).
Good News for Dads
Dads learn as much from their daughters as their girls learn from them. Hybarger says, “Fathers learn more about women in general; how to be a good listener and how to be supportive. These things often improve his relationship with his mate.” So, Dads, step up to raising healthy, happy girls, and enjoy the ride!
Little Girls     
Social scientists encourage fathers to participate in their little ones’ healthcare and general upbringing to promote a high level of engagement in his child’s life (Sarkadi et al. Acta Paediatrica. Feb. 2008). Dads can even substitute for Moms with cesarean born babies. Swedish researchers found that in the event of a complicated birth, limiting the mother’s contact with the infant, the father can give skin to skin contact to the baby and provide the same calming benefits as the mother (ScienceDaily – June 12, 2007).
Daddy’s talking with his baby girl is important for language development, and she also enjoys gentle playing, tickling, rides on Daddy’s back, snuggling on the couch watching Sesame Street, or whatever helps them connect in a positive way.   “Dad’s appropriate physical contact is a must since little kids don’t know how to verbalize as much, and it introduces her to healthy touching,” Gale points out. 
Elementary School Age Girls (age 5 – 12)
Dads’ relationships with their girls determine how well their daughters achieve in life, whether they live in the same household or not. Valerie King, a Penn State Associate professor of sociology, demography and human development and family studies found in her research, “The closer the father-child relationship - not just the visitation – the better children were doing” (Penn State – June 13, 2007).
Some men find participating in sports with their girls a positive outlet for father/daughter bonding. Thanks to the availability of sports programs for girls nowadays, lots of dads coach their daughters’ sports teams or cheer on the sidelines. Others get involved by providing transportation to practices and games as well as shooting hoops or dribbling a soccer ball at the local park.        
If a daughter’s interests lie elsewhere, dual working parents and conflicting schedules mean that Dad often takes his daughter to dance or art classes, too. When dads support their girls in getting to lessons and attend their daughters’ performances, they send the message that their daughters’ activities, and therefore their daughters, are important and worthwhile.

 

Adolescent Girls (age 13-18)
As girls become women, some dads drift away from their daughters. With physical changes already strange enough, mercurial behaviors, inflicted by that pesky hormone fairy, tend to strain relationships. A daughter often misses the cause and effect of her occasional crabby behavior, believing that suddenly Dad doesn’t like her or think she’s important. Take heart. This is all part of the process. Adolescence is a time when children need to start separating themselves from their parents to mature into adulthood. “Some separation is healthy and necessary. Try changing your role from physical play to verbal communication, and follow your daughter’s lead,” Gale suggests.
Although a teenage girl’s behavior can seem unreasonable at times, fathers need to be patient for their daughters’ well-being. Gale says, “If Dad just pulls away when (his daughter) becomes a woman, it could be potentially scarring because the most significant man in her life has rejected her. She might take it to mean that men leave you when you are a woman.” 
Dr. Linda Nielsen, professor of Adolescent Psychology at Wake Forest University, advocates dads spending personal time with their daughters. Statistics for sexual abuse by the biological father are miniscule, so society can relax about girls going places alone with their dads. Nielsen’s studies found that “. . . most daughters want more from the relationship with their father--more comfortable communication, more time together, more emotional sharing, more knowledge of one another" (College Student Journal – March, 2007).

 

Absent Dad: What to do
Drawing on experiences from his family practice as well as results from studies, Hybarger sites three healthy ways moms can raise girls without a father:
1) “Avoid speaking negatively about the father. In fact, it’s even preferable if the mother speaks positively, even though she may be angry with him . . . to help create the relationship the child needs with the idea of the father, whether    (Dad) is present or not.
2) “Create a metaphoric relationship with her father. Talk about positive memories of things her father used to say or do, even if he left or died before she was born.      This will make him real in your daughter’s mind.

      Hybarger warns against “seeking” a step-father or an uncle to replace the father figure. Substitutes can work well, but only when the daughter chooses to trust and respect a specific male enough to fill that space in her life, to be her nurturer and role model.

For more information:

Dr. Jonathan Gale: (858) 344-9456 http://www.drjonathangale.com/
Dr. Chad Hybarger: Family Therapy Institute, El Cajon (619) 562-2130
http://www.familytherapyinstitute.com
References:

Dr. Nielsen:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0FCR/is_1_41/ai_n18791246/pg_1
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/09/990927064822.htm  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/10/061030183039.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070611113914.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070612143301.htm
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080212095450.htm

It seems every time we turn around, a story about Autism or Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder appears on the evening news, in the local paper, or even printed  on the side of a Starbucks coffee cup.  Why?  The number of kids diagnosed with these neurological disorders has been rising at an alarming rate for the past 20 years.
Most of us have heard people say things like, “When I was a kid, we didn’t have any of that stuff.”  But we all knew “weird” or “high-spirited” or “scatter-brained” kids at school.
In our brave new world, Autism, where individuals have trouble with social interactions, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), where children seem physically and socially out of control, and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), where people suffer from the inability to focus, all show up on computer generated brain maps. Using specialized software and electrodes adhered topically to the scalp and earlobes, a color-coded printout of a person’s brainwaves can be produced, without any drugs or side effects. In comparing brain maps on a baseline average for normal people, Autism and attention disorders stand out.  In fact, the difference between normal and abnormal brain function is glaring, not in the figments of concerned parents or stressed teachers’ imaginations.  And these disorders are chronic.  Contrary to popular belief, people never grow out of them.  Some people find ways to compensate for their antisocial, impulsive, and inattentive behaviors by the time they reach adulthood, but they still struggle.
Researchers have found that discrepancies in chemical transmissions in the brain cause the disorders. Often stimulant drugs are prescribed to both children and adults with AD/HD in order to speed up neurotransmitters.  When the brain processes accelerate, some people can control impulsive behavior and focus more efficiently. However, many people suffer from side-effects such as loss of appetite, sleeplessness, and irritability, to name a few.
THE AMAZING HUMAN BRAIN
About 25 years ago, David Velkoff, M. D. began designing a system to help people, ages six and up, with these neurological disorders.  He founded the Drake Institute of Behavioral Medicine, now in five locations in southern California, which offers a Neurophysical Training Program.  Over 9000 patients have learned to control their own brain functions, without drugs.  The idea is that people can learn what it feels like when their neurotransmitters move at an optimal speed for a given activity.  Then they can repeat that feeling, over and over again, until it becomes a habit.
In a process called “neurofeedback”, technicians monitor brainwaves recorded while clients play specially designed videogames.  For example, in one game, a client uses his mind to raise an airplane into the sky on the computer screen, and keep the plane from falling below a center line, or even crash landing. A chime sounds and points are awarded when the airplane remains aloft for a given period of time.  Before long, the player knows how it feels to control the airplane’s flight, similar to an athlete’s muscle memory for pitching a baseball or a ballerina performing a grand plie. In this way, people develop a neurological memory for relaxing during interactions with people, controlling impulses, or focusing on completing tasks.
Mindy P., mother of an autistic boy says, “My son is a much happier, more confident . . . child.  His repetitive behavior is non-existent, his conversations are no longer one way and he doesn’t fall apart when things don’t go his way. . . He has had great success with school this year, both academically and socially.”
Jill B., another mom says, “Not only is my daughter completely off of her ADHD medication, but she is able to do so much more on her own.  She has improved self-esteem.”
A 15-year-old from Bonita with ADD, Alia W., is half-way through her treatment program at the clinic in Vista.  She says, “It’s like I can summon the ability to focus when I need to at school or when I’m doing homework.” With a little smile she adds, “It isn’t a habit yet, but I’m working on it.”                
POWER TO THE PARENTS!
The Neurophysical Training Program also gives parents the tools they need to be consistent and effective.  A marriage and family therapist trains parents in behavior modification techniques and other strategies.  The counselor also addresses additional family issues, if needed.
To ensure the best possible protocol for treatment, a personal program coordinator regularly talks to parents and adult clients regarding progress.  “It’s my job to answer questions and make recommendations for fine tuning treatment,” says Ali Azin, a program coordinator in Vista. “The people where we see the most profound changes are the ones where the parents participate in their child’s program: following up with behavior modification at home, supporting their kids in practicing techniques, showing up to all the meetings with me, and talking to their child after each session about how it went.”
To see excellent results, the Neurophysical Training Program at the Drake Institute requires time, patience, and practice. But a lot of people find that it is worth the effort!

REFERENCES
www.ourspecialkids.org/autism.html
www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/ADHD.htm#what_is
www.drakeinstitute.com

Contrary to common belief, children diagnosed with autism can grow up to lead fulfilling, successful lives. Playwright, composer Eric Scot Frydler proves that life’s challenges can cripple us or make us stronger.
Diagnosed with autism as a child, when little was known about the neurological disorder, Frydler had trouble relating to peers. His teachers described him as an “enigma” and a “non-conformist.” At age five, however, he made a beautiful discovery: music spoke to him. Eventually, music became a way for him to express himself as well as connect with others.
Originally from Queens, New York, as a teenager, Frydler publicly played a song he had written on piano.  Although impressed with Frydler’s performance, Lazlo Halasz, composer and founder of the New York City Opera, could see the boy didn’t quite fit the mold for the usual music school - or any school, for that matter. Instead, Halasz invited Frydler to audit masters’ classes. Throughout his high school years, Frydler soaked up advanced music language at Stony Brook and Julliard, two colleges well-known for their excellence. This unconventional education prepared Frydler for composing music professionally, at least technically. Sometimes the business end of things presented other challenges.
Frydler’s can-do spirit and creative view of the world took him down unexpected paths. For example, in his late twenties, after a project for composing music fell through in Los Angeles, he answered an advertisement that said “Child Genius Wanted” – for designing toys for Mattel.  He ended up developing Roboto, a transparent robot, part of the Masters of the Universe series. He also wrote stories and comic books about toys like He-Man, Popples, and Rainbow Brite. His name still appears on the Advanced Concepts Inventors list for both Hasbro and Mattel. However, he says, “Right now, theater and music are my priorities.”
Frydler has found success in pursuing what he loves most. In describing his creative process, Frydler says, “To this day, when I am envisioning and imagining, I go to that world inside my head, tempered by the craft that I’ve acquired as a writer and composer.” Frydler won the Aubrey Award, the equivalent to the Tony Awards for San Diego County Theater, for producing Dracula with Rosemary Harrison, and he composed the original score. The play was performed in February, 2007 at the Coronado Playhouse. He has also composed music for film including: Sheriff of Contention, a western; Vampyre, a music video; Sweet Amazon, a documentary, and The Last Supper, a film which aired on Trinity Broadcasting this past Easter. Frydler reminds us, “People have had difficulties throughout history dealing with exceptional people . . . Our challenge as a society is to find a way to communicate with them, not ostracize them . . . but to interact with them and benefit from each other.”
Throughout the years, Frydler believes his music has been an advantage in helping him to learn how to communicate with others. In fact, he swears he won his wife’s heart playing an original piece called “In Dreams” for her on a grand piano at the Wyndham Hotel at Emerald Plaza in San Diego. When asked about his success in the face of autism, Frydler says, “Tenacity. Hideo Sakata, a Japanese martial artist, once told me I have Samurai spirit. I never give up - never!”
Frydler’s latest project, Magical Forest is a musical that embodies the idea of believing in oneself - to keep trying no matter what happens. He wrote, composed the music, and will produce Magical Forest with its personified plants, lively melodies, catchy lyrics, unlikely good guys and, well, not such good guys. Multi-layered themes and clever dialogue make the musical fun for both kids and adults. The Magical Forest comes to the Coronado Playhouse this October – a special treat for the whole family!
For others who struggle with autism or other impediments, Frydler says, “Many people accept other people’s self-limiting beliefs, and that is a mistake. You have to be true to yourself, to be fearless. Never let someone else interfere with what you’re here to do.” That’s good advice for all of us!

I can still hear my mother say, “Don’t trust her to hold onto it.  She’s such a scatterbrain; you’ll never see it again.” Not that I blame her.  Countless items went missing in my care when I was growing up.  School administrators and family members second guessed my mom’s willingness to bring my forgotten work to school. They told her that if I was forced to suffer the consequences, I would learn to be responsible. But she had already tried to give me that valuable lesson on several occasions and realized that the tears and stomachaches were not helping me to remember, focus, or improve my organization skills. With Mom’s patience, I managed to get through high school with a 3.8 grade point average.
By the time I entered college, I had figured out how to write everything down and to check my daily agenda on a regular basis. I received excellent grades and earned my Bachelor of Arts degree in four years, however, rushing to retrieve important projects or assignments, left in the car or my apartment, still happened more frequently than I would like to admit. 
Though absent-minded, I have proven my competence as a human being.  For example, as a school teacher, my students frequently earned top scores on state tests and won district wide essay contests. Currently, I train other teachers how to improve their writing programs.  I also work with students, from elementary to high school, write short stories and novels as well as help them develop techniques for writing success on in-class essays.  Generally clients are patient with me if I get distracted; they blame it on my creativity.
Keeping my own ducks in a row has improved over the years, but my mom has gotten her revenge.  Now I have to help my fifteen-year-old daughter remember her commitments, appointments, and school assignments. For instance, I recently had to drop off a poster at the high school for a group project that was due in her biology class. My daughter and another student had worked on it, at our house, for two hours the night before.  And though the colorful, two-by-three-foot poster sat next to her book bag, taking it to school in the morning slipped her mind. 
How could this bright child do such a thing? This year, freshman year, she has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  It turns out that even if I were bigger, stronger, faster, and more intelligent, she would still forget important items, zone out during class lectures, turn in tests with questions that she forgot to answer, make careless mistakes, and show up late (or not at all) for appointments.
I began researching the disorder to better understand my daughter and learn how to help her survive all of her Advanced Placement classes in high school. I read study after study about how the brain functions differently in people with ADD.  I marveled at the personal stories I read of those who learned to compensate for their inattention.  It slowly dawned on me that I, too, had most of the symptoms described in the literature.  As tears slipped down my cheeks I thought, “I’m not just scatterbrained?  The neurotransmitters in my brain travel differently than they do in a normal person?”  Apparently, apples really do come from apple trees.
My personal epiphany may have seemed obvious, but it was too close for me to bring into focus until that moment of realization.  I often wonder what other realities of my personality elude me. This one caught me by surprise. No wonder sometimes I felt helpless, beside myself with frustration, when my daughter forgot things and could not bring herself to a state of organization. I had a difficult time keeping track of my own obligations; trying to sort out my daughter’s responsibilities was overwhelming.
Understanding my daughter’s ADD, and by extension my own, makes me appreciate her plight and empathize on a level that takes most of the aggravation out of the trips to the high school with borrowed books and group projects.  Step by step, we work on developing tools to help her organize herself.  But since things that work for me seldom help her, tailoring tricks and techniques to suit her can be tough. Tempers flare, and sometimes things get said, or screamed, that we regret later.  But we’re learning.
Fortunately, I’ve found a yin and yang to the way my teenager’s quirky brain works: she is impulsive yet precocious and witty, forgetful as well as creative, often scattered but occasionally hyper-focused on a project that comes out amazing, suffers insomnia though enjoys incredible energy.  Many of these things I know from personal experience.  Sometimes I wonder how much words like “deficit” and “disorder” apply. 
I know that, at times, we can be irritating, like when our eyes glaze over and we lose track of a conversation, or when we send another belated birthday card, or when we tell a funny story and interrupt ourselves.  But those who love us find our challenges endearing.  And the fact that we’re a little kooky keeps us loveable and interesting.